the only problem with knowing what you want, is that sometimes you don’t get it.
Filed under: Uncategorized
i saw an opera tonight w/ kate and kids from her vocal club
my favorite interpretation of the french opera was
the lilys of the field are sweet, but my kisses are sweeter 
i often wish to be something i am not. . .
i seldom wish to be something i cannot become. . .
i find the distinction to be critical
Filed under: Philosophy
i think what life is about, is being able to let go, while discerning whats worth fighting to hold on to. . .
Filed under: Philosophy
still trying to figure people out, why are we so hard on each other, why do we get a rise out of making someone’s situation a little harder, why do we constantly strive to dehumanizes each other and ourselfs for that matter, pretending that we dont feel sideways smiles and sarcastic cuts, justifying ourselves for doing the same
but thats not even an accurate picuture of people. i mean dont get me wrong its an accurate picture of lot of people in at different times in different situation to different people. sometimes i’d have to admit its an accurate picture of me
what is refreshing is a genuine friendship
a sincerely smiling aquatance
a door held for a stranger
a returned call
a thought that yields a action
a prayer
its odd, some people i see and i dont know what kind of reaction im going to get
others i put up a shield and hope i cover the vital organs before arrows are flying at my heart
still others i cant help but smile and thank God that they are part of my day
sometimes the roles switch around
we rarely think about the weight of a glance, a smile, a grimace, words, or actions
Filed under: Randon Thought
recently i’ve been a lot of thought energy in who I am becoming, who I’d like to become, who I want to be, where I’d like to be in 5 yrs 10 yrs (thats about a far as I can handle) and frankly, its exhausting.
So then I was thinking about when I was 6.
When I was 6 who did I want to be when I was 22?
What did I want to be when I grew up?
would my 6 year old self be ok with who I am at 22?
then I realized, when I was 6, I just enjoyed being 6, I might have speculated as far as 7. I didn’t even consider who I would be or wanted to be at 22.
so I think I’ll try to readopt that attitude, I mean, it got me to 22 right? it will probably get me through 30, 40, and beyond with significantly less stress than my current method.
my favorite part of a crush, the freefall before you realize you’re too far gone to save yourself, before you crash land. . . or who knows maybe for once, are caught
too soon to tell,
to soon to even know if i should classify it as a crush, but i am
to late to stop thinking about what i know about him (which isnt much but just so happens to be pretty great, especially the smile 
)
Filed under: today
i go through cycles of feeling settled and restless,
sometimes both at the same time. . . which is basically my current musings. I am so happy and content with certain aspects of my life, while i feel as if others will always be in a state of disarray and confusion, and still other areas I can see landmarks of progress that somehow don’t feel like progression. I guess I’m not making sense, then again, right here and now, I guess I don’t have to.
sweet dreams
Filed under: Uncategorized
its amazing how we give the most undeserving people the power to make us feel invisible and insignificant
