the only problem with knowing what you want, is that sometimes you don’t get it.
i often wish to be something i am not. . .
i seldom wish to be something i cannot become. . .
i find the distinction to be critical
Filed under: Philosophy
i think what life is about, is being able to let go, while discerning whats worth fighting to hold on to. . .
Filed under: Philosophy
still trying to figure people out, why are we so hard on each other, why do we get a rise out of making someone’s situation a little harder, why do we constantly strive to dehumanizes each other and ourselfs for that matter, pretending that we dont feel sideways smiles and sarcastic cuts, justifying ourselves for doing the same
but thats not even an accurate picuture of people. i mean dont get me wrong its an accurate picture of lot of people in at different times in different situation to different people. sometimes i’d have to admit its an accurate picture of me
what is refreshing is a genuine friendship
a sincerely smiling aquatance
a door held for a stranger
a returned call
a thought that yields a action
a prayer
its odd, some people i see and i dont know what kind of reaction im going to get
others i put up a shield and hope i cover the vital organs before arrows are flying at my heart
still others i cant help but smile and thank God that they are part of my day
sometimes the roles switch around
we rarely think about the weight of a glance, a smile, a grimace, words, or actions
M: so what’s new with you?
me: i started working at UPMC shady side this week
me: and thats real exciting
me: i still need to fiure out where im living this summer and im running out of time
M: yeah…you should probably get on that
me: actually im feeling really behind in a lot of stuff
me: im a little confused in my faith right now too
M: really?
me: ya
me: its kinda hard to make it my own u know
me: im just so used to takeing what people say, rooling it over in my brain (like u would wine in ur mouth at a wine tasting) and then deciding weather its good or bad
M: uh huh
me: i feel like ive decided a lout of stuff and that makes it somewhat personal, but i feel like there’s a muscle i havent been exercising
me: hmm. . . i guesse you could say that my faith is pretty dependent
me: so its almost not my faith but like a faith collage
me: like its logical and it makes sence, but its not mine
me: and ive assembled it but . . . its lacking, well, its almost like its lacking me
me: elsewhere im pretty good
me: like i love who i am, im secure in who i am
me: but its kind of off kilter cause im all confused about my faith lol
me: make sence
M: it sort of makes sense
me: lol
me: so u can see why im confused
M: yeah
M: I can
me: did it surprised u that i said that?
M: yeah
me: y
me: out of curiosity
M: I wasn’t expecting to hear that
me: lol, ive gotten over pretending to be strong all the time
M: well I wouldn’t expect that, I just wasn’t expecting to hear that you were having faith issues
me: ya, issues lead to growth right, well hopefully. . .
M: yeah
me: u know the description of fait in dogma
me: where they are talking about the cup
me: and as u grow so does the cup
M: yeah, I think I know what you mean
me: well my cup is changing shape lol
M: OK
me: im changing shap
me: e
me: its so wierd
me: i like it!
me: lol
M: cool
me: hey buddy, i havent slept too much this week
me: i think im going to head out
me: but it was nice chatting with you
M: yeah…me too actually
me: sweet dreams i hope you get a little more unconfused
M: I’m working on it
me: good
M: have a good night and a Good Friday
me: thanks buddy
Filed under: Philosophy
so. . . do you think its all about walking the straight and narrow. . .
i used to think that had a lot to do with it
now, well im not sure thats quite what Christ was aiming at when he walked the earth, in fact, he wasnt much one for the straight and narrow himself if you really think about it and study his life, i mean he consistently broke the mold. . . just a thought
Filed under: Philosophy
i wrote this in my journal while sitting in the library with friend, our initial idea was to go there to study, but i was a little burnt out today and we had some catching up to do, so what would have been bleak study period turned into quality friend time! yay
“sitting in the library w/ S. We came to study and have talked for the past hour and a half. she is really great about listening, God knows i could talk to this girl for hours.
too often when i talk to here i have to concentrate on reminding myself to listen. what she says is so worth listening to.
i thihnk thats how it usualy goes. that the best listeners have the most to offer if we are willing to listen, but sometimes we can get so caught u in being listened to, that we forget to listen to them, ant that is a very sad occruance because in talking constantly, we miss out on SO MUCH.”
so, give your listeners a listening to!
good quote, also from S: “The things we need to learn before we don them, we learn by doing” ~Arostotle
Filed under: Philosophy
disclaimer: this is an attack on no one, its more a plea to our culture, our society. its my way of dealing with, reacting to numerous recent occurances and observations. if you dont think you are going to like what i have to say. . .you can consider not reading it but this is what i think about life and love
life would be so much better if we could just let go and love. . .
drop the score board, who’s more wrong, who’s hurt more
but how do u do that, its practicaly impossible for the score to not matter when we are socialized in a society that teaches us that the score is all that matters. . . when we are hurt, we want retribution, or at least to be understood
this has sortof been a common theme resurfaceing in odd ways through the past week. we continue to hold things over our friends, or siblings, or loved ones heads that happened years ago in grade school, or last summer, ect. we dont let the other person forget that you hurt me, the you you were in 6th grade hurt me, and the me that i am now is not going to let the you you have grown into forget that. neither one of us is the same person we were back then, true, the action shaped us both and has some effect on who we are today, but what good is it
is it realy worth letting go of a relatoinship to hold on to the score card
its hard to be second, i just had this conversation w/ a friend of mine, but the thing is, in order to love to realy love as Christ loved and intended, its essential that I am not first, and how many times must i forgive, 7 * 77 aka infinitely
we are going to hurt each other, person 1 will intentionaly and unintentionaly do things to hurt person 2 and person 2 will intentionaly and unintentionaly do things to hurt person 1
i am not condoning abusive relationships, if you are being abused, get out
but the thing is the people we love, who love us the most, have the greatest potential to hurt us
and they will hurt us, and we will hurt them
i mean we crusified Christ, and he did nothing but love, and a love that was so much more than we can hope to love, a love so pure, so perfect, so huge. . .
and he continues to love, he is continualy being crusified for people who dont know him, who dont accept him, who know him and if just once he decided if i have to hang on this cross for one more sin, well we’d all be screwed
we live in a society of scores, the stock market, our bank accounts, the Jones set the bench mark. . .let me tell you something, the Jones ARENT HAPPY, they ARENT FULFILLED, theyve traded in substantial relationships that may have hurt them for stuff, that doesnt direclty stab them in the back, but that numbs over time. they CANT feel anymore
and we’re all getting sucked into it
who’s first, who’s best. . . screw that who’s better
do you think its an accident that everything is numbered or lettered
5 stars
100%
5’5” with brown eyes
im getting off track
my advice if you want to read it. . .
let go of the score cards in your life, and love, love, love
trust that you will be taken care of, dont worry about how or y, and set urself on helping others allow yourslef to be second, or even third. . .
Litany of Humility
Jesus! Meek and Humble of Heart, hear me!
From the desire of being estemed, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of being loved, Lord Jesus Free me. From the desire of being acclaimed, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of being honored, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of being praised, Lord Jesus Free me. From the desire of being preferred, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of bing consulted, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of being approved, Lord Jesus free me. From the desire of being valued, Lord Jesus free me.
From the fear of being humbled, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being despised, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being dismissed, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of bing rejected, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being defamed, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being forgotten, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being ridiculed, Lord Jesus free me. from the fear of being wronged, Lord Jesus free me. From the fear of being suspected, Lord Jesus free me. From resenting that my opinion is not followed, Lord Jesus free me.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus make this my prayer. That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus make this my prayer. That others will increase in the opinion of the world, Jesus make this my prayer. That others will be chosen and I set aside, Jesus make this my prayer. That others may be praised and I overlooked, Jesus make this my prayer. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus make this my prayer.
Lord, Jesus, though you were God, you humbled yourself to the extreme of dying on a cross, to set an enduring example to the shame of my arrogance and vanity. Help me to learn your example and put in into practice so that, by humbling myself in accordancr with my lowliness here on earth you cacn lift me up to rejoice in you forever in heaven. Amen.
Filed under: Philosophy
Dove candy wrapper:
test your own limits and keep going
Fortune from a Fortune cookie:
Allow compassion to guide your decisions
It’s nice to hear that you are pretty, maybe because its so easy to doubt it. . .
sometimes you need to force doors open
judge less, love more, let it go
care a little less, and it will hurt a little less, but continue to love
is it possible to detach yourself and still love?
ya. its time to study
