the only problem with knowing what you want, is that sometimes you don’t get it.
so this week has been pretty crazy, and right now i shohld be studying, in fact i should have studied yesterday, and ya should have also studied thursday afternoon. . .but i didn’t well i will today after this (hopefuly brief) update
so wednesday night was a corey heart night: we had a danceparty in our room, while wearing our sunglasses (at night) it was good fun!!!
thursday was the browns v steelers game, that night was good fun as well (probably a bit more fun for me than it was for the browns fans i was watching it with but hey it wasnt a shut out)
then yesterday. . . Mass was awesome and what a great way to start off the day, pearl of wisdome from the mass: have an attitude of gratitude!
also from the mass, we are all different, for some reason when i heard it (cause its not like i dont already know that) i was really comforted
then last night was happy hour with Nat and her roomate and their friends and well that turned into a happy evening lol, i love my sister, and spending time w/ her, i really cant wait till kate is 21 and we can all go out together, o gosh that will be intense
stuff i love about sisters:
*they notice when you reshape your brows lol, sounds silly but i reshaped my brows over break and no body really noticed, so ive been working on them a little since, and Nat noticed! (ya this makes me sound really vain, im aware, point is, nat notices when i invest time in things example, my brows)
* the love you for who you’ve been, who you are, and will love who you become (more importatnly they are instrumental in shaping that person)
ok but now i should really study or at least clean off my bed and desk so i can get into study mode. . .
Filed under: tangets
so this weekend was good. i got to hang out with katie which was wonderful. i also went to my first KC football game in a very long time. it was odd. we won, we beat monataue (butcherd that sorry Tricia). so i was pretty happy about that, i really think though that their band had a better performance, i feel like the kc band has shrunk, its crazy i remember when it was 100 strong hmm. its wierd that i shoudl feel any attachment to the band when, hmm i pretty much was misrable the whole time i was a part of it.
its alwayse wierd to go home, i was kindof a looser in highschool, hmm thats a little too extreme, so i wasnt a looser (at least i dont think) but i wasnt popular i was like a camelian i was good at fading into the background without even trying. i couldnt wait to get out of KC. i dont really have any hugely close friends from there (there are a few, and if you are reading this you know who you are) hmm this is tangetal, any way it was wierd cause im not the type of person to walk up to every person at the game, so i still kindof felt invisible at different points in the night, then there were people i saw that it was so nice to see and catch up with and people i talked to that i didnt expect to and people i expected to talk to that i didnt, so basicaly i got a good football game out of the night and a few good conversations
but urg! i hate being asked if i have a boyfriend, or if i have a boyfriend yet. NO, is that ok. it doesnt make me abnormal, at least i dont think so. i just dont understand why thats such a gage of age prgression. then i chill and remember that when someone is in a relationship they have a lot to gush and share about, so its most often a conversation starter. but still, when you keep hearing it, its like you are expected to have a boyfriend. I cant control the fact htat my prince charming hasnt come around yet. if you want to know the truth there have been 2 guys that have been interested in me up till this semester. thats it, thats not a lot, i feel like im a girl here though, which is good and like guys could like me or could b attracted to me, its such a wierd feeling, new and exciting lol ok enough about that
ug i think i might just be hormonal. . .sorry if thats tmi
any way going out friday night was soo much fun! i had a great time, saw a couple bands drank a little hung out w/ good company. it was a good night then i didnt get up till 12 which might explain why im up at 3:15 writing this entry when i should be a) sleeping b) studying c) cleaning or d) all of the above lol wow standardized tests yay!
well a was the answer so im off
sweet dreams
Filed under: tangets
I’ve been in a random mood, things that shouldn’t are rubbing me the wrong way. overall its been a relatively ok week, a little blah but ok. Tonight i got to talk to Mike K. and i was walking around campus (its always easier to talk to him while walking for some reason, its an interesting dynamic to our friendship) at some point i sat down behind the crucifix on campus. Ive never looked at a crucifix that way, from behind. but really if you think about it there must have been people watching from behind. any way im not real sure where i am going with this but that’s where one of my random brain waves took me today.
Any way it was really nice to talk to Mike. I felt bad for keeping him up, but it’s been a while since I’ve been able to have a quality conversation with him. Honestly it was reassuring to know that I can still have quality conversations with people from Gannon when I’m not there, directly involved in their lives. I miss them a lot. At the same time, I really like it here. Despite the recent events I feel safe here. No one is excused from the affects or echos of evil or violence. Violent waves even ravage safe harbors once in a while. no where but the complete presence of God is exempt. It still upsets me that violence happens, occurs. Its so unnecessary and such a huge indication of human selfishness. and that’s just on the small scale. why are people dying for reasons ruged by a “just cause”. is any war just. even a defensive war is a result of an unjust offensive attack.
I had a thought the other day of the old testament vs the new testament. It went something along the lines that the old testament focuses on justice, righting wrongs twice over that evolved into eye for an eye tooth for a tooth. where as the new testament is not necessarily about what is just but what is righteous, hmm I’m not sure if thats what im looking for. But its about grace. Getting people what they need, not necessarily what they deserve. Smelling what im cooking?
another tanget
I’ve been getting caught up on the subject of the passage of time. Highschool is no longer yesteryear. Freshman and Sophmore year are beginning to blend together. I am completely done with 2 years of my education and have closed a chapter of my life (gannon) in order to open the rest of it. It’s wierd.
This Christmas will mark 5 years without Mom. Has it realy been that long. Thats almost a quarter of my life. . . I miss her, but her absence has become normal at this point; sometimes it still catches me by surprise. It’s easier to mention her now than ever before, which is good, but that makes me miss her more, and I wonder if I really want to deal with that. Repression is really looking like a good alternative. . . or maybe not
ya so thats about it for tonight
