ThePerspectiveOfABloomingWallFlower

i go through cycles of feeling settled and restless,

sometimes both at the same time. . . which is basically my current musings.  I am so happy and content with  certain aspects of my life, while i feel as if others will always be in a state of disarray and confusion, and still other areas I can see landmarks of progress that somehow don’t feel like progression.  I guess I’m not making sense, then again, right here and now, I guess I don’t have to.

sweet dreams

So, I’ve had the opportunity lately to hang out with Gram and Pap much more often (acutally i think it has less to do with having the opportunity than it does to do with makeing it a priority)

I stopped to visit on my way home from Pittsburgh today, and let me tell you I love visiting with them

They have been married for over 50 years, to whitness that in itself is a beautiful miracle to me.  They argue and tease. and Gram will fix a pillow under Pap’s feet, and Pap will remind gram to uncross her legs (cause its not good for her circulation or hips) after 50 some years they’ve worked out a lot of kinks and still are working on others, its a beautiful testomony to the development of relationships. . . ahh

so anyway, visiting with them really  helps put things in perspective we talked about school, interviews, internships, going out, my sisters, my dad, and the inevetable. . .guys
Pap aske me if i had a boy friend yet. . . and i dont so i explained my situation, how im more old fashioned and perfectly willing to reciprocate a guys attention, but im not going to be the hunter or initiator or whatever, at which point pap told me to watch out for boys (how sweet) at which point i told him not to worry (cause there really isnt that much to worry about)

so ive been trying to figure out why guys have been on my mind lately.  i really am ok with being single.  i think its just that im a girl, im 21, yep i think those factors are pretty much the root of my minor guy obsession lol

so ya here’s where i stand today: happly single, and refocused from hanging out with two of the most important people in my life

Crazy, awesome weekend! yay TEC

Crazy, busy week! 3 exams, can’t wait till Thursday!

random question/complaint. . . Why did Phil Vassar do lips of an angel, he’s a writer??? did he write it???

today was good, my only complaint, i wish i would have skipped class, i wasnt coherent durring it anyway. ive been having some trouble sleeping so. and untill today ive avoided taking naps hopeing that it woudl be easier to sleep later. but gosh i just needed to sleep today, so i did. i didnt study, i didnt attempt to study, i went to class, came back and slept, got up and cleaned, went to lab, got dinner, hung out w/ E watched a movie, updating my journal, saying my prayers and going to bed! so ya tommrow and nextg week will be a little crazy, but wo well, it will be worth it.

so thats my update, noting major, nothing really worth reading, but its an update

song in my head today: 1, 2, 3, like a bird i sing cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings; and dream big.

Today was mole day

Today i took 2 midterms/lab practicals

Today I met with my advisor

Today I took a nap

It snowed for the first time this fall leading into winter

I called Kim and Karen

Today:

I’ve continued realizing how much i miss Gannon people. Having friends here is great and my friends here are amazing and more than i could have hoped for, but its been a couple of months, and its not practical to think that you can build with someone in a couple months the same caliber of friendship (note not the same friendship, all friendships are unique, dependent on the person, time, and yourself) that took a couple of years to establish in erie

I imed Tricia and Hannah cause i miss them lots, and i got to talk briefly to Jes (i hope ur erie excursion went well)
i am sick

i did not start studying for pharmaceutics because i took a nap because i am sick

I found my glasses!!!

I straightened up my room

I wore highly glossed red lipstick and appriciated the fact being single ensures that my pretty pucker would stay just that, pretty (other days i’ll think differently, but not today

I repainted my nails

im sure there is more but you are probably allready bored

and im tired

so im going to get my sore throat and runny nose to bed

I am exhausted physical, emotionaly, spiritualy, and intellectually.

physcially I’ve been tired, I’ve been setting aside time to sleep (physicaly in my bed, lights off, you know the drill), and I havent been sleeping.

today (tuesday) I went to bed last night around 1:30 set my alarm for 5:30, I dont think I was physicaly sleeping till 4 then I got up just before 6, got my shower, reviewed for the bio chem exam, went to breakfast, took the bio chem exam, which everyone else found to be easy and i found to be eh, not easy but not difficult, nothing like o chem, then i had class then another class, then strait to work, then strait to dinner w/ my aunt uncle their friend and my sister. I didn’t get back on campus till 9:10 but at 9:00 Christian Life (an amazing faith sharing group) meets so I didnt get back into my dorm untill just before 11. I was out of my room today from just before 7am to just before 11pm, thats quite a stretch for not getting much sleep the night before.

so the bio chem and other classes cover the intellectual exhaustion heightened by lack of sleep. basically the stuff i studied the most wasnt on the exam. . . o well

emotionaly, just some stuff going on w/ people and Mom, I miss her. but I feel like after 5 years I should be used to it, and if it hurts i really shouldnt complain. u know. you dont complain about a scar you have from 5 years ago, its not realy dignified, hmm I dont know that thats the word im looking for. point is it may hurt but im used to dealing w/ it other people are dealing w/ shit too and im not the only person to loose a parent, in fact im on the more fortunate end of the whole parenting spectrum. Mom was/is awesome and even though Dad and I rarely see eye to eye or talk for more than 5 minutes ever 2 or 3 weeks, I know for a fact without a doubt that he loves me.

spiritualy hmm this one is hard i feel like i need a good deep cleaning and im attempting to do it with the little wet ones (think the things they give you when you eat wings or ribs, moist towletts) so ya there is a whole lot of room for improvement there. ive been going to daily mass and im not realy sure y. dont get me wrong its not that i think going is a bad thing, i know its a good thing. but i dont thing its such a good thing that i dont have a focus any way thats probably more in depth than you care to read

let me just say that tonight ended on a brighter note, i needed to do 2 things veg out (basicaly nothing) and talk to someone about what is going on. thanks to friends and sisters both were accomplished

so if you are reading this, and chances are you arent, but if you are

Thank You! i need the break, and the ear

so ya, im going to attempt to sleep now. . .wish me luck!