Filed under: Uncategorized
so its been a while, mostly due to growing pains. . . its been a little rough the last few months and i didnt exactly want to publish it
so here’s the gist, im growing up, and i like it i love it but that doesnt mean that it doest hurt sometimes, my birthday is coming up and im trying to decide why birthday’s are importnat or rathe why i wash they werent i’ve partially decided that im not a huge fan of my birthdays because its one more year with out mom i cant immage with any accuacy what function mom would play in my life if she hadnt died 5.5 years ago but birthdays and holidays and friends phone calls home alwayse make me acutely aware of mom’s physical absence in my life and i’d sometimes rather not deal with that head on
Filed under: book review
Everyone worth knowing by Lauren Weisberger (author of the Devil Wears Prada)
category, summer reading/fluff
honestly it was a let down after the devil. . . i found the book to be, shallow, predictable and not reallly that entertaining it didnt help that the theme was similar to that of the devil wears prada, idealistic young woman loses values to a job that shoves her in the spotlight , even though the circumstances were different
ya overall i was a tad disapointed. . . glad its done happy to be moving onto other page turners for the summer
if you could have helped prevent someting from happening, bur didnt know you could, and didnt, does that mean its your fault if it happens, does that make you partially responsible?
i’m sorry.
i cant be everything to everyone which is why im just trying to be me. . .
Filed under: Uncategorized
This is the away message and buddy info of a friend its pretty awesome i hope she doesnt mind me posting it, I hope you enjoy it!
What’s in your kiss…?
Kiss on the forehead-forever you will be mine
Kiss on the cheek-we’re friends
Kiss on the neck-we belong together
Kiss on the shoulder-I want you
Kiss on the lips-I love you
Kiss on the belly-let’s have sex
Kiss on the ear-I can’t live without you
Holding hands-We can learn to love each other
Slap on the butt-That’s mine
Looking into each other’s eyes-Don’t let go
Playing with hair on head-Tell me you love me
Arms around the waist-I love you too much to let go
Laughing while kissing-I am completely comfortablewith you
Call if you wanna do something
My hope is my prayer for the one I will be with forever. Know that you are loved already.And I learned how to kiss on a ferris wheel
And I made wishes at wishing wells
And I fell into that fairytale too
And I know that love ain’t so easy
But we trie, didn’t we baby
It’s allright
Some dreams weren’t meant to come true
I learned that from you
If you want, then start to laugh,
If you must, then start to cry,
Be yourself, dont hide
Just believe in destiny
Don’t care what people say,
Just follow your own way,
Dont give up and use the chance,
To return to innocence
If you try to look
But you dont touch
Then you wont touch
But you’ll never feel
And if you don’t feel
You’ll never cry
And if you dont cry
Then you’ll never heal
Open my eyes Lord, help me to see your face.
Open my ears Lord, help me to hear your voice.
Open my heart Lord, help me to love.
I live within you.
Deep in your heart, O Love.
I live within you. Rest now in me.
Do what makes you happy
be with those who make you smile
laugh as much as you breathe
and love as long as you live
*Love finds a way…some people change.*
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, but in all ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your path.”
GIVE- LIVE- LOVE
Love with all your heart and believe that everything happens for a reason. If it changes your life – let it.
hug harder.smile bigger.llove longer
From prayer comes faith,
From faith comes love.
From love comes service,
From service comes peace.
-Mother Teresa
M: so what’s new with you?
me: i started working at UPMC shady side this week
me: and thats real exciting
me: i still need to fiure out where im living this summer and im running out of time
M: yeah…you should probably get on that
me: actually im feeling really behind in a lot of stuff
me: im a little confused in my faith right now too
M: really?
me: ya
me: its kinda hard to make it my own u know
me: im just so used to takeing what people say, rooling it over in my brain (like u would wine in ur mouth at a wine tasting) and then deciding weather its good or bad
M: uh huh
me: i feel like ive decided a lout of stuff and that makes it somewhat personal, but i feel like there’s a muscle i havent been exercising
me: hmm. . . i guesse you could say that my faith is pretty dependent
me: so its almost not my faith but like a faith collage
me: like its logical and it makes sence, but its not mine
me: and ive assembled it but . . . its lacking, well, its almost like its lacking me
me: elsewhere im pretty good
me: like i love who i am, im secure in who i am
me: but its kind of off kilter cause im all confused about my faith lol
me: make sence
M: it sort of makes sense
me: lol
me: so u can see why im confused
M: yeah
M: I can
me: did it surprised u that i said that?
M: yeah
me: y
me: out of curiosity
M: I wasn’t expecting to hear that
me: lol, ive gotten over pretending to be strong all the time
M: well I wouldn’t expect that, I just wasn’t expecting to hear that you were having faith issues
me: ya, issues lead to growth right, well hopefully. . .
M: yeah
me: u know the description of fait in dogma
me: where they are talking about the cup
me: and as u grow so does the cup
M: yeah, I think I know what you mean
me: well my cup is changing shape lol
M: OK
me: im changing shap
me: e
me: its so wierd
me: i like it!
me: lol
M: cool
me: hey buddy, i havent slept too much this week
me: i think im going to head out
me: but it was nice chatting with you
M: yeah…me too actually
me: sweet dreams i hope you get a little more unconfused
M: I’m working on it
me: good
M: have a good night and a Good Friday
me: thanks buddy
Filed under: dreams
lately my dreams have been a little, well disturbing
they are disturbing because the things that are happening to me, how i react to them and what i do are so far from how i act in real life
for example, i have never smoked anything in my life, and in one of my dreams last week i tryed it and hated it and liked it at the same time
also in my dreams my moral fiber, is well, degraded: walk into a store with my older sister, have my little sisters fundraising form, this guy (who happens to be tall, built but not over built, dark hair, dark eyes, great smile, and well just in general hot) starts flirting w/ me, and im flirting back, and before we even get through exchanging numbers we’re making out on a couch that just appeared. . . WHAT THE HEAK!!! pretty freaky cause it was sooo real, like i could sense temperature differences and sents and well obviously touch. . .then i got an acid taste in my mouth and woke up
whats ironic. . . i havent kissed a guy in well, close to 3 years now, and if i were going to it wouldnt be a random flirty stranger
so basicly in my dreams im either a smoker, or easy. . . how comforting
S sayse that im just extremes and since im conservative in real life, im not in my dreams, any input?
so wierd. . .
Filed under: Randon Thought
so the last entry was an old one that i saved instead of posting. . .
right now i am feeling pretty awesome! its beautiful outside, and it has been all day
i went for a run tonight, and honestly it wasnt much to brag about but it was a run and i feel pretty good right now
there is all this positive energy surging through my being, and what is most wonderful about it, is that it has nothing to do w/ a guy
so ive put things in perspective
a picture is worth a thousand words, and the truth will set you free, and its not butterflies anymore, a tiny stomach sink but thats not even all that bad (and i realize that i am probalby the only person that statement makes sence to, but its my journal and i doubt that it applies to anyone who will read it)
hearing the perfect song at the perfect time also helped out:
I’m driving 95
And I’m driving you away
And I shine a little more lately
Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough
Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough
I shine a little more lately
~Anna Nalick
Filed under: Uncategorized
a little confused right now
maybe he’s just not that into me. . .
again
ouch
Filed under: Uncategorized
sometimes even sweet guys make being a sweet girl painfuly difficult
I’m sure the reverse is also true
it’s been an eventful weekend
to the girls and guys who know what i am talking about know that you are amazingly beautiful people, with value independednt of every other person in the world
Filed under: Philosophy
so. . . do you think its all about walking the straight and narrow. . .
i used to think that had a lot to do with it
now, well im not sure thats quite what Christ was aiming at when he walked the earth, in fact, he wasnt much one for the straight and narrow himself if you really think about it and study his life, i mean he consistently broke the mold. . . just a thought
